Here it is David

Since we locals are all stuck inside with iced up gardens, here's a good grin for the day - send by David.
~~~

Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

One leaned over the other and said, "Crimony sakes! Life is boring. We never have any fun these days. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through the darned flower show!"

"You're on!" said the other old fellow, holding up five dollars.

As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes, and while completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town
hall.

His friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by a loud roar of applause. The streaker burst back out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. Hurriedly, he ran over to his eager buddy.

"Wow, what happened?" asked his friend.

"It was great!" he said, "I won first prize for best dried arrangement!"



Hey David, Neil Sperry's garden show is on next weekend. Feeling bored?

Well I am pleased to report that the dinner went well and the speaker used one of my jokes, he even got a write up in The Times newspaper. He still wants more jokes though so please keep them coming. Oh, and Angie, your cucumber joke was told to Lord Dennison who is a high court judge!!

Terry,,, Just got back from the Botanic Gardens concert in the park fireworks display by the river. It was AB FAB!

Nicola's rendition reminds me of one you sent to me last week David. I'll see if I can find and paste it here ... maybe Nicola can doctor it up for a gardening version too! Althoughhhhhhh

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," said the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him.

But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door, "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for you helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my
country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
.........
I laughed so BIG at that one... but....
What's really funny is that one of our posters is a lawyer and doesn't want it known!!!!

Isn't it the truth!!!!!

Good one, Nicole.

OK, I know this is'nt very good but I sort of cobbled it together from similar jokes, I know others along these lines but they involve nuns and are not fit for these pages!!!!

Thanks for the link Angie I will try it out.

A Lawyer, a bishop and a gardener all died at the same time and arrived at the gates of heaven together. They were greeted by St.Peter who said that he would show them to their new accommodations. He took them along some corridors until they came to a door marked LAWYERS he took them through and showed the lawyer his apartment which was very luxurious it even had a jacuzzi and a private balcony. All three were very impressed. St.Peter then told the bishop and the gardener to come with him and he would find them somewhere to stay. They followed him up flight after flight of stairs until eventually they came to a door marked OVERFLOW he took them though this and showed them into a tiny room with just enough room for bunk beds and two chairs. They were both aghast, the gardener complained that he would have miles to walk to get to the garden and the bishop was upset about the distance he would have to travel to services, in fact they were both very annoyed and asked why they had to share such a tiny room when the lawyer was given such a large luxurious apartment. St.Peter replied "Well you see it is just that we have millions of bishops and gardeners and he is the very first lawyer we have ever had!"

As difficult as it has been to be bi-cultural, there is at least that one perk - more hols! heehee. Love Guy Fawks Day - maybe we should save over some 4th fireworks for an annual Nov 5 bonfire night every year in the garden ! Don't anyone tell the fire dept tho ;-)

Happy holidays Maggie, bet you celebrate all the English hols as well. Happy July the 4th to all you 100% americans too. (nearly put native Americans, but just caught it in time) :-)

OKAY Nicola, the rock garden... that was good - I LOL'd!!
And on the linked site Angie - some of those amid the REALLY bad ones, made me cackle too! Let us know the final choice Nicola.............

The forum has been so quite Angie that I have decided we are the only folks who haven't gone out of town for the 4 day holiday. Out of deference to our Brit fellows, I won't mention what the holiday is in honor of ;-)

Check out Gardening Humor Link. Some of these are kinda cute.

OK Maggie, how about this.
I tried growing a rock garden, but gave up when three of them died.

HeHaw!!!!
We ARE really getting hard-up for garden-related jokes.
Bet Nicola can't use that one amongst mixed Worshipables!
If anyone finds some from surfing, please share um with us here. And if you find just the right one out there Nicola,,, let's hear it!

OK, this is probably too risque for your speech, but I just had to share it:

A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she's getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?''
Her neighbor replies, "Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.''
Well, what the heck? She does it. The next day her neighbor asks how it worked. "So-so,'' she answers, "The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer!''

No, seriously, Nicola, if you get in a bind you might want to go to one of the search engines and put in "garden humor" or "gardening jokes" or some such phrase. You'll be amazed what all you'll find!

But I have to admit, it's more fun reading them here!

Oooooh, that one was painfull but it made me smile. Thanks Angie. Come on you chaps there must be lots more gardening jokes out there, I have to have this speech ready for Thursday so get the thinking caps on. Please please pretty please.

Did you hear about the gardener who sprayed herbicide on his herb garden?

He wound up just killing thyme!

Oh dear :-0 - You've sure got to admire his commitment!
How often: Truth is stranger (and funnier) than fiction!

Not a joke, but a true story....A friend of mine who was a keen gardener was out in his plot one day when from over the fence his neighbour asked for some advice on planting potatoes. My friend told him that soil preparation was important and to dig to two spade depths, this being to loosen the stiff clay soil. About an hour later my friend looked over the fence to see how things were going, imagine his surprise to see his neighbours head just sticking out the top of this deep trench. His neighbour had thought that two spade depths meant the full spade including the handle.

Not sure if I got this right, but it goes something like this...

A perennial plant is one that, if it had lived, would have returned every year.

There is a great one about the 400 yr old lawn, under 'the growth of gardening in England' on this board. Anyone know of any others?

Win any awards at this weekends garden show David?

From Nicola in London ...

David, this scrolled off the board yesterday, before you got back on.

I wonder if he drank warm pints of beer too????I think it would be tuff to drink warm beer in a hot jungle......but after a few who cares.....I must say " Thank God for the British". If it was not for your Country being so strong....we would be speaking FRENCH........I don't think SO......

Or the French speaking German ;-)
I still get a giggle everytime I see that cartoon - the thought of mowing a jungle is just toooo good